After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize