Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
