Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
