The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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