I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
