bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
