Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
