nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i've created a new STD.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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