well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
