Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
