I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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