I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
