...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
