shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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