so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
