i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
