Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize