you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
