Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
