went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize