Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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