why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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