They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do herpes really smell.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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