My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
