went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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