I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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