why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
