i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
