Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
