when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
