Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
