I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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