This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
