Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
