I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
