i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
