My entire life is one complicated drinking game
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
