Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
