Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
