Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Another day, another engagement, another cat
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
