so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
