just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If that was your dad, he is hot
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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