I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize