you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
