We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
