Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
