it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
