Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
