It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
