She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
