OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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