Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
