Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize