She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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