I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
