Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
