You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
