he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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