Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
