Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
