so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There r osticjed everywhere
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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