youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
