Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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