the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
