She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want a musical about memes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
