Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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