new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
