Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
