I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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