I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize