I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
